Ten things we’ve learnt while on holiday in Scotland

Some things that we didn’t really know before going to Scotland:

  1. Scotland has it’s own bank notes that can be swapped on a one to one exchange rate (like Disney Dollars). It’s also hard to find a shop that will accept them when you return home (like Disney Dollars).
    Disney Dollars
  2. Scottish ice cream vans don’t sell ice lollies but sell sweets and Irn Bru instead. (Evidence based solely on two ice cream van visits. They do still sell ice creams though.)
    Irn Bru
  3. Like Slack Cards, Scotland also likes a rogue goat.
    Goats
  4. Don’t be cocky if you have special powers.
    Brahan Seer
  5. Midges can be really annoying in Scotland (even if you can’t quite understand how this can be until you experience it).
  6. The road from Fort Augustus to the top of the Isle Of Skye is one of the most amazing drives in Britain. (I struggle to think of a close contender although Glencoe does take second place.)
    Isle Of Skye
  7. Despite not being listed in any guides or even on the information board, the humming handrail at Mealt Falls on the Isle Of Skye is amazing! (The wind blowing through it makes it hum although it could have been a one off. Pretty sure this is not by design as I think the primary function of the handrail is to prevent people plummeting over the cliff.)
  8. The Highlands doesn’t have 3G coverage.
  9. ‘As the crow flies’ distances are meaningless when planning a journey. Work out how far it would be if there was a direct route, and then quadruple it. Or buy a helicopter.
  10. Nessie probably isn’t real.
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Twelve phrases to listen out for on this years X-Factor

Ten points for hearing the phrase, five points for a close call and double points if Louis says it. (You know he’s going to say all of them at some point!) Let us know if we’ve missed any obvious ones!?

Here goes (in no particular order):

  1. You know, that song could be a number one hit?
  2. You don’t know how good you are!
  3. You made that song your own.
  4. You owned the stage there.
  5. You looked like a pop star and you sounded like a pop star.
  6. You’re a natural born entertainer.
  7. This is the easiest Yes I’ve ever given.
  8. One hundred percent Yes.
  9. You were born to be a pop star.
  10. You just made this competition get very, very exciting.
  11. I loved you. The audience loved you. You’re going to go a long way in this competition.
  12. I think we’ve just found one of our finalists.
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Slack Cards Mildly Amusing Newsletter – August 14

Here is the FIRST EVER Slack Cards Mildly Amusing Newsletter

Also, congratulations to Barry L. for winning the Slack Card Free Prize Draw for July 2014! Barry wins TEN FREE CARDS of his choice.

Remember, for your chance to win TEN FREE CARDS, simply subscribe to our Slack Cards Mildly Amusing Newsletter (http://www.slackcards.co.uk/free-prize-draw). (As long as you can remember your name and email address, subscribing is very straight forward. In fact, if you use the sign-up on the right in this blog, you don’t even have to remember your name! We don’t think we could make it any easier, but we’d be interested to hear from you if you think we could.)

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Six trends you need to know to impress your friends

As we all know, greetings card trends change rapidly (although we’re only guessing they do as we only made our first card a couple of months ago, and quite frankly, haven’t bothered to look at whatever our competitors are up to, but we are quite good at guessing and we think we are probably right), so here are a few trends we predict will be massive over the next six months and we boldly predict next years trends as well:

You can't teach an old dog new tricks,  but you can teach him trends...

You can’t teach an old dog new tricks, but you can teach him new trends…

Trends for the remainder of 2014

A little bit of blue (the colour, not porn): We fully expect a little bit of blue to return to a number of cards, particularly cards that have a picture of either sky or sea on them. The recent trend to move away from blue has even recently resulted in printers pouring away all their tins of blue paint (or whatever it is they use to make cards) to make way for tins of the non-blue stuff.

Half cards: Half cards will be massive in August and into the start of September. Don’t know what they are? No, neither do we. We’ve even Googled it and it doesn’t exist. It’s almost like it’s just been made up for the purposes of this blog. Look out for it regardless.

Flaccid Christmas Cards: December is expected to see the return of the Flaccid Christmas Card. For those not familiar, these low quality cards tend to be popular towards the end of each year and generally depicts a robin, snowman or Father Christmas with a half-cocked lob-on. This trend drops off rapidly at the very end of each year and does not pick up again until late November/early December the following year, although the reasons for this are as yet unknown.

Trends for 2015

Its always hard to predict trends for the year ahead, but we think after only two months of being in business, we have a solid grasp of the market and can confidently say we can predict everything that’s going to happen in the greetings card industry so here goes:

A little bit of blue (porn, not the colour): Cards with a hint of porn will appear once again. The format of these may vary, with the usual ‘pop-up’ and ‘scratch and sniff’ themes proving ever popular, but the four-dimensional ‘up and at it’ format are probably going to be 2015′s game changers.

Letter Box Busters: In a surprise comeback, these massive cards are expected to make yet another return, although this time the razor sharp corners will probably be replaced with turnip oil sandpaper following complaints and lawsuits from mail couriers with regards to life-changing injuries. Expect frequent visits to the local DIY store as letter boxes will need widening to accommodate these mammoth cards, sales in replacement doors are expected to sky-rocket and mantelpieces will need strengthening to be able to support any more than two of these mega-cards.

Personalized greetings cards to remain popular: Although it seemed the ‘This card has a name on it, and the name is also my name, so the thing that is on the card is almost like its directly about me and that’s funny’ format seemed weak at the time, it seems to have gained in popularity and is expected to remain strong into 2015. (We would just like to point out that we don’t sell personalized cards, partly because other companies do them, partly because although it was quite funny five years ago, its generally lost it’s comedy value, but mostly because we don’t have our own printing press so printing to order is quite a lot of effort (read as: too much effort). We are however considering a ‘Trevor’ range of cards specifically designed for anybody called Trevor, although proof of knowing somebody with that name will be required with each purchase.)

We think we’ve covered all bases here, but if you think we’ve missed something or disagree, please drop us a Comment and let us know.

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Ten Amazing Birthday Card Facts You Never Knew You Didn’t Know

You want the facts? YOU CANT HANDLE THE FACTS!

You want the facts? YOU CANT HANDLE THE FACTS!

Every day, we are inundated with facts about greetings cards, whether it’s constantly on the TV or radio, headline news or simply just your brain spewing new greetings card facts into your head like vomit into a pit of despair. We thought we should take some time to filter out some of that crap and replace it with some Hard Hitting Greetings Card Facts. So here you go:

  1. Over 11,566 birthday cards are sent worldwide each year
  2. The Earth is the only known planet on which inhabitants send each other birthday cards
  3. If you stood 384,400,001 one metre high birthday cards on top of each other, end to end, it would stretch slightly further than the moon when the moon is at an average distance
  4. Elephants don’t send each other birthday cards, even if it’s a ‘milestone’ birthday such as 18, 21, 30, 37, etc.
  5. The plural of birthday card is ‘birthday cards’
  6. The first birthday card ever sent was in 1957
  7. Don’t get angry if you did’t get as many cards for your birthday as you’d hoped. Statistically, not many people do.
  8. Evidence suggests that kissing the envelope before posting a birthday card makes the world a slightly better place
  9. The worlds most popular birthday card, unsurprisingly, pictures a ninja fighting a giant pigeon whilst trying to butter toast
  10. Birthday cards kick ass
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Four amazingly useful greetings card tips

Never under-estimate the powers of a good list. (This isn’t one though.)

Welcome to our first blog post. We thought we should start with a quick list of four great tips to make your card sending experience as simple as possible.

1. Try to choose a card that you think the person would like or find funny.

A good way to do this is to stop what you’re doing, have a little think and try to remember some stuff that the person finds funny. If you can think of something then try to find a card that has that very specific funny thing. If not, just choose any card.

2. Remember to write in the card.

This was listed as one of the four Generally Accepted Card Writing Practises as originally recorded by the Guild of Card Writers in 1788. The original copy of the manuscript listing the Practises was destroyed in the Great Tug of 1846, but this Practise was remembered and passed down from generation to generation. Although all details relating to the three Missing Practises have been lost forever, it has been speculated by many that they were probably “bleedin’ obvious”

3. Use a pencil or a pen when writing in the cards.

Try to resist the temptation to write it using any bodily fluids regardless of how joyful the recipient may be to receive such a card. It’s also probably illegal to post such items without proper containment.

4. Take care when licking any envelopes

(Particularly if Tip 3 has been ignored)

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